When a child has inappropriate behavior that embarrasses us because we are responsible for your education and that makes us feel bad because it stops respecting others, we begin to think about what action we should take to prevent it from continuing and to let it know that this behavior is inadmissible.
No one is perfect, but the measure of making a child believe that we withdraw our love, that we no longer love him, that we will only love him if he behaves as we expect from him is very dangerous: a father thought that leaving his 7-year-old son alone on the mountain was a good idea to punish him and has been missing for days.
I just wanted to scare you
It happened in a forest on a mountain in northern Japan, as we read in The Free Press. On one of the roads the parents stopped with their car and They lowered the child as a rebuke for misbehaving. Apparently the boy had been throwing stones at other cars and even people while they spent the day by a river, and as a corrective measure they chose to give it a small scare.
Around five o'clock last Saturday, they left him alone on the road to try to teach him some discipline. Five minutes later, when he came back for him, not only was he no longer where they left him, but they were unable to find him.
At first they told the authorities that their son had disappeared while they were all collecting wild edible plants in the area, but later admitted that it was all a punishment.
In the same father's words to the local press:
Sorry for what I did to my son. I only did it to scare him a little as punishment for throwing stones at people and cars and show him my authority as a father.
And he admitted having initially lied because it seemed embarrassing to ask the authorities for help as a result of his punishment.
The search is still active
Since that day more than 130 police officers, firefighters, many on horseback, and even the army are looking for him without finding a trace of the child. He had no food or water, and yesterday they had to stop the search in the afternoon because of the heavy rains, so imagine what that child must be going through, as well as what your parents should be going through.
A child is never stopped loving
I don't want to put my finger in the sore, because I'm sure the parents are suffering a lot, but I think about the child and I have to say this: you never have to withdraw love from a child, you must never make him believe that he is left to love, especially since it is not true.
I know that the father's intention was only to give him a little scare, but it was small in the father's mind, because he returned after 5 minutes for him. For the child it was actually the biggest scare he could ever receive: his parents abandoned him to his fate in the middle of nowhere (forever).
Who knows what he did at that moment, if he started running, crying and scared, or if he went anywhere to hide from the fears of a lonely forest. The fact is that now the child does not appear and probably does not even know that his parents are looking for him. The five minutes it's already five days.
"Honey, I love you a lot, and whatever you do, I will still love you, but I haven't liked this thing you did." This phrase is a beginning of what a father can say to a child and what a child deserves to hear. Because many times, when a child acts wrongly, when he loses respect for others, what he is doing is get the attention of parents.
Call attention for parents to see that there is a problem, that something is wrong in the relationship with them, or at school, or ... something he does not know very well how to explain and parents should investigate, a "please, ask me , look, try to know, because I am not well. "
And if he feels that they love him little, that they love him badly, or that he needs more time with them, parenting can help. That phrase I just mentioned, contrary to what children usually say when they get mad at us: "I don't love you anymore".
But we are not children, we cannot make them believe that our love depends on what they do or stop doing, because that way we make them believe that love is something too fragile, because then they feel that they should always try to please us and we become the judges of their behavior, when the ideal is that be they the judges of their actions. They and their conscience.
And that's it? Do I love you and that's it?
No. As I say, it is a beginning. "I didn't like what you did today." And you worry precisely because you love him. Because it's your son and his behavior, in large part, it's your responsibility: "I love you, but I don't like it when you do things that could harm others."
And from there a father decides if he has to carry out some punishment (I am against it, but I can understand that if you do not have other tools, what has been done for a long time) or search other measures, such as an approach, to investigate why and spend more time with children to achieve that really feels loved, and with few lacks. Because, as I say, when a child misbehaves, it is because he feels that something is missing.
UPGRADE (06/03/2016): We are very happy to report that the child was found yesterday with minor injuries.
