If you asked your mother how she raised you and your siblings, would she say that she treated you equally or that she had different treatment depending on whether you were one or the other? Exact. Mine always says the same thing, that He has treated us all equally, which has given us all the same and has always been fair and equitable with all.
It is, in fact, an attempt to try to ensure that children have the same, the same opportunities, the same love, the same time with dad and mom and the same of everything so that never can anyone say that he has lacked this or that thing. May one never be jealous of the other. That one can never say that he deserved more or there were favoritisms. Let the parents be clear that the difference, if any, came from the character of each child, "because I did the same with everyone, so they made the difference." You do? Do you treat and educate your children equally? Why It is a laudable strategy, relatively useful, but perhaps somewhat outdated and quite improvable.
A laudable and relatively useful strategy
Let's see first what are the positive points of this strategy. More or less I have already commented: educating and treating children equally makes you be a father and an equanimous mother, fair and faultless at the level of demands. You give your children the same, the same opportunities, the same possibilities and repeat in the second and third (and how many there are) what you did with the previous ones.
If one buys something, others too. If you give something to someone, others too (it doesn't have to be at the same time ... it would be something like taking into account that with one you spent 30 euros and with the other you spend the same). Come on, it consists in that, in trying to match them, in preventing one from telling you that something that another has had is missing.
The benefit? Well that same, justice put at the service of parents and children. Each has the same as the other and in the eyes of their parents are the same.
But an improvable strategy, because not everyone is equal
Is it the same to be the first to be the second of the children? Is it the same to be the first to be the third? Is it the same to be a very dependent or very demanding child than a very autonomous child? Is a shy child the same as an extrovert? No, of course not. Each person is unique, so each person is different.
It is often said, quite correctly, that older siblings tend to be calm, competitive and responsible, that mediums are more autonomous and independent, more "junk", the counterpoint of the elder, and that third parties are more sociable and more wasp When it comes to getting pampering and love. Come on, that the place of birth influences each child's way of being and, therefore, your children are not equal.
You may have never done this exercise, but surely it can be interesting, or even fun, to try to imagine what your children would be like if they were born in a different position. The major, if it had been the second or the third, the third if it had been the first, the second if it had been the third, and so on with all possible combinations. Didn't you just think they would be different children? Because the attention you gave to the first one is not the same as if you were the third, and likewise, the third has two older teachers (his siblings) than the first one ever had.
With all this I come to say that each person, each child, even if they are our children, is different from others and therefore has different requirements and needs. Either because they were born sooner or later, either because they are one way or another. Because let's set the example of twins. They are born at the same time. Does this mean that they should be treated exactly the same? And the answer is no, because sometimes one behaves in a more dominant way and the other in a more submissive way, and then you have two different little people in front of you that cannot be treated equally.
A child may need more arms, more affection, more attention, and that is not why we have to give exactly the same attention to others, as it may turn out that others are better able to entertain themselves with other things. A child may need more communication, more words, more support in what situations and another child need less. A child may need a certain thing at one time and spend the money on it and not for that reason you should spend the same on the other, but keep in mind that when the other needs something else, you will give it equally.
You cannot match children always, nor with everything, because the education you gave a child does not have to serve with the next. What if you are doing the same but your child cries and does not consent? Will you continue because it's what you did with the first one? No, you will adapt to your son, you will say that "jolin, they are so different that I feel as if I were a first-time" and you will be raised as I ask, as I need.
My mother, even now, always tries to match us in everything. I always tell him that it is not necessary, to look at what son he needs the most and to help him, because not everyone has the same vital circumstances. And in this sense we talk about money, but if we talk about love I would say the same: we don't all need the same because not everyone is the same. Therefore, when trying to match, one can receive more than he needs and another, unfortunately, receive less. And it is not a pleasant feeling to grow up feeling that you lacked love, support, communication, advice and time with your parents and that when you tell them they tell you that you can't complain because you all had the same.
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