One of the most difficult ideas to assimilate for young children and also more complicated to explain is death. The inevitable death, death as the mother of life, as necessary and part of the miracle of physical existence, death as absence and as a final farewell to the life of the body and for some people, as a step towards a different life.
The first thing that children are not prepared for is the absence of the people they depend on, and the only thing we can offer them is, as long as we are alive, security, confidence and conscious presence.
If we are with them, accepting and accompanying them, their confidence in life, in us and in themselves will have a solid foundation. The greater the healthy and safe attachment, the greater the child's ability to grow emotionally.
Parents they must help children perceive death as something natural and inevitable. As far as each child can understand, we must never lie to them and we must know how to convey to them that death is permanent, that whoever dies will not return to his life in flesh and blood again, although it is very painful for them and for us. . That we are not honest is not going to help you.
Death: explanations by age
Before two years Death is incomprehensible. Children perceive the emotions of those around them and will react to them, rather than the loss or absence of the deceased person, although, if it is their parents or people who have taken care of them during their short life, they obviously go to suffer and they will need them.
If one of your attachment figures, especially if she is your mother, stays by your side and conveys affection and security, you can overcome the absence. Talking about it is inevitable, but we cannot give more explanations than the little boy can cognitively assimilate. Love and serenity are the best language for them.
From two to five years old The perception of the child's death is not accurate. He understands the concept of death but resists understanding it as something definitive, rather he sees it as the fall of the leaves or the passage of the seasons.
Controlling our emotions, so as not to convey despair, if they can understand and share the pain. It is even good for them to assume they are sad, talk about it, cry with us and express their fears.
Although it is customary for them to pass a phase of denial, it is their parents' role not to let them hide from their feelings and it is good to help them let them sprout, explaining to them the irreversible nature of the death of the absent person.
From the age of five The child's cognitive development is greater and he is able to understand death. However, he still has a powerful imagination and very intense feelings, they may even feel guilty for the death of someone close if they were angry.
Nor will it be strange to be horrified to wish that the dead were another, someone whom they wanted less. Our role is to accompany these negative feelings and make them see that they were not guilty, nor is it bad that they wish someone else had gone instead of who they both breastfeed.
Explain our beliefs about death
In these ages, the people we have beliefs about a life after death, we can explain them to you, though, I believe that always from the truth, what we believe is not what everyone believes.
Even for those who have a firm religious conviction, educating in that belief but also transmitting to the child, from a young age, that he will be loved the same if he does not share our religiosity or church.
Likewise, those who believe that we disappear completely when the body dies have to be able to explain it without putting them in, although, without a doubt, it must be done with delicacy and always transmitting that the love we feel for the absent person keeps it present in our memory.
Perhaps people who claim to have experiences of spiritual contacts with those who have passed away, whether habitual or punctual, deserve special mention. You have to be honest also and talk with children about these perceptions, with respect towards other ways of understanding reality.
I started talking about awkward questions about death but I have found that, in the experience of children, death is sometimes not a simple question, sometimes it is very real and close. Be prepared for explain to them, by age and according to our beliefs, what death is and that comes after her, is important.
