It is often said that grandparents "spoiled" children, grant them their whims, allow them to do certain things that cost us parents more. But when are the grandparents who spend most of the day with the children, we can no longer say that they are spoiled, but that they are the ones who educate the grandchildren directly.
This means assuming a new responsibility, which they do not always live as their own, and risking a confrontation with the criteria of their children, who may have other ideas conceived regarding education, but do not develop them themselves. It is not surprising that, within the framework of this society in which more than half of the grandparents take care of their grandchildren almost every day, these grandparents become the true educators of the little ones.
Is this good or bad? We could say that, if there is no choice ... But how many grandparents get to develop the "slave syndrome"? How many consider that this task was already carried out at the time and that it does not correspond to them? Do parents have the right to "complain"?
The recent study dedicated to knowing the role and opinion of grandparents in families shows a firm demand of the elderly: the need to impose limits that clearly streamline the obligation.
They are willing to participate as caregivers of grandchildren only in situations where it is truly necessary, when the father and mother have real job responsibilities, not so that they can enjoy their free time at the expense of grandparents (and here I remember the mother of the ad "I can no longer").
But when the limits are not respected it is when the elderly feel "used", "distressed" before the educational responsibility.
I think parents should be more aware of the feelings of grandparents who care for children, talk with them, know how they feel (many will not recognize their feelings if they are negative) and, as far as possible, not relegate our children's education to grandparents.
It is clear that family situations are a thousand and one, that there will be grandparents living in the same family by necessity, that there are parents who have no choice, others who "take advantage" of the elderly (to the extent that these feel used) ...
Grandparents have a lot to offer grandchildren, but they should enjoy them, "spoil them" if necessary. The family nucleus, the home, is the basis of children's education, and the role of parents in this regard is fundamental, the smaller the children are. The parents-children-grandparents relationship would be especially difficult if values, norms, the way of relating, are conceived differently between educating grandparents and parents.
In the case of parents, say, "independent" or "indifferent", we imagine that they will have no problem, although in this case we are facing children who have been raised and educated by grandparents.
