Today we bring you a very interesting interview with Lucía del Prado, with whom we had the opportunity to talk about the situation of the children before the separation of the parents. Lucia is President of the Filia Foundation, which we presented a year ago, responsible for providing protection to the child before the divorce of the parents.
She is a defender of the right of children to have father and mother after the breakup of the couple and pioneer in raising awareness of this type of child abuse, invisible and completely helpless.
What are the keys to a friendly separation without harming children?
First of all: the responsibility of being parents. And this implies doing an exercise of serenity, sanity and generosity. Impotence or anger cannot under any circumstances splash the children, who will have enough to adapt to the new situation. In this way they would avoid much suffering to their children and the entire extended family. It is important that they know the psychological sequels that they can leave to children, if they are manipulated and used against one of the two. And of course they should know that no one has the right to destroy anyone's life because they do not know how to deal with their anger and resentment no matter how difficult it is for some people. Children have the right to enjoy both. Because as our motto says "parents get divorced but children don't". How to manage conflicts when there are small children involved, especially when they are babies?
Problems only appear when we do not know how to react constructively to difficulties. Therefore, if we want to solve our problems we must learn to dominate our mind. When it comes to a baby, the least successful thing is to go out and ask a court for help, and wait for a third party to solve it, which will never have the complete information, where these very delicate issues are usually processed between mountains of files of various kinds and that In addition, unfortunately and as a rule, they literally wash their hands. This is the reality. That is why both must be prepared to meet the survival needs of their children both together and separately. Society has evolved too quickly, and until there is a culture of divorce comparable to that of countries such as Sweden for example, where laws do not ignore breaches of sentence and disobey a court order has fines, and false allegations have criminal consequences For example, it will not be easy for conflicting couples to mentalize. Since in this country the scoundrel is protected more than honest people. Conflicts with babies and minors are everyone's responsibility: first of all parents and secondly of the Administration of Justice. Ideally, they would both do their part and not enter the spiral of competition, war, revenge, resentment and cruelty. And that they respect and understand the role differentiated by natural law of a father and a mother. Both must have the same rights and the same obligations. Mothers have to learn to assume the rights of fathers, and fathers have to understand that this baby needs his mother during a natural period (in the animal world, they don't question it). Both must respect the other for the sake of their child.
Many times children are used by parents as a currency in conflict. What tools and laws could be used to prevent the manipulation of children and benefit them instead of harming them?
It is not about legislating, but about applying what is legislated. And above all and most importantly: it is done on time. It is useless to ask for a sentence execution, if the courts take years to resolve, especially when the children are already having an age. In the field of "family relations", these situations are considered and typified both in the Civil Code and in the Criminal Code. The problem is that they do not apply. And generally when this happens, when a manipulation is detected and a parent is believed to have the right and reason to move his son away from the other forever, he does not act. And nothing happens. Only, the day will pass if something happens. Just as a non-payment of food reaches the character of a crime with prison sentences, with equal or greater reason it must have left a child orphaned by a parent who acts under revenge, and convinced that he has more than enough reasons for it . "Because she deserves it," "My children are better off without her / him," "I will not stop until I take away the children" ... This is how they think of their former partners and the abusers act. Only then could the number of manipulated children and orphans of a living father or mother be reduced.
Is the law of gender equality against abuse and gender-based violence used to separate parents from children? Do women use it as a threat to reach agreements favorable to their interests?
In fact, there are those who make improper use of the Standard, to separate the children from the other parent, both for personal revenge and economic reasons and thereby obtain material advantages. In this country, when a complaint is credited as false, the false complaint cannot be reported. In addition to not being judged by gravity, or the consequence, or the voluntariness of abuse, but by the simple fact of being a man, and that translates into obvious discrimination towards them. In the Foundation we see all kinds of cases, women who make unscrupulous use of the Law on Gender Violence to prevent parents from having contact with their children, and not being able to request shared custody in life, enforcing them to prison, for false accusations, emotionally and economically ruined. And abusive men who snatch the children of their mothers, without anyone taking into account that they have been manipulated to reject them forever, true mothers victims of ill-treatment and yet ignored by the system, shattered and broken for life, having to bear the lapidary phrase of "what this mother will have done so that her children do not want her". In reality, child abuse is not a matter of gender but simply of abusers and abusers. And of a system that is allowing it without any doubt.
Why is the Filia Foundation born? Is there still helplessness and there are no legal figures that really help? What role does the child defender play in all this, listen to you, help you?
Filia was born before the legal vacuum, of helplessness and effective support by the State towards thousands of children and families affected by a type of invisible abuse, a reality that "exists", which was not perceived and was not granted Consideration and attention it demands. We realize that, in the battle of adults, the child, far from counting, went to the fifth plane or became a weapon. Adults, with recognized legal and working capacities, holders of their rights and obligations, are responsible for their situations. But the minors are not responsible for anything and nobody attended to the defense of the moral and physical integrity of the minor. Nor (and this is serious and severe), public authorities and the Administration of Justice. Because childhood must be taken care of individually, and currently there is no single state agency that addresses their needs and problems. No one watched over the integrity and safety of our minors in Spain. We cannot leave their well-being aside, they need to have the effective support of their own country through a single professional system that ensures their rights. That is why from Filia we fight for their rights, because Spanish children are helpless, without a system of observation and specialized and free protection. And their parents who are empowered human and legally obliged to help them, are dedicated to using them as a tool of revenge. Condemning them for life to grow in the orphan, in addition to the consequences that this will mean for the rest of his life. Our children are our future now, tomorrow will be late. That is why Filia was born, to raise awareness and educate society, about the rights of children, and to treat all those citizens who are going through this dramatic situation. We work in prevention and treatment. For the rest, the Ombudsman for Children is currently non-existent in the Community of Madrid and it can be assumed that, in those communities where it exists, it will have the same activity and practical results that Madrid had: good intention, and sporadic calls from attention and general recommendations. Zero efficiency
What do you think about the new reform that equals shared custody to the single parent, announced by Ruiz Gallardón? Who benefits?
Without the existence of a definitive promulgated text, it is only possible to conjecture and give an opinion about the spirit that seems to conform it and which, according to that spirit and to a greater or lesser extent, allows to collect. Reiterating that the least damaging and most reliable solution is the one that the members of the couple responsibly adopt, we believe that the equalization of single-parent and shared custody regimes would have an obvious benefit for the children and also for the parents. This from the moment that matches the positions and conditions of each in the process, without the prevalence of one of the parties and without one appearing ballasted and forced to destroy or cancel the preponderance of the other, which favors the discord, and eliminates the possibility of the first and second category parent. What is happening today. But it is very important to make it clear that the new law will not become the philosopher's stone regarding the child abuse we are talking about, because in essence, it is the responsibility of the parents, their attitude and behavior patterns, the determining factor. The unscrupulous manipulator, capable of leaving your child an orphan, will give exactly the same type of custody you have, or the days you spend with the child to wash your brain. That is why our mission is that a child never has to face the cruel question asked by his parents or a judge: "Who do you love most, dad or mom?"
I hope you liked the interview as much as I did and that it helps to help many fathers and mothers who are going through a separation process, but above all to his children. I take this opportunity to thank again Lucía del Prado, President of the Filia Foundation, who granted me the interview. It is an honor to have her on the blog.
