When children grow up (especially after 9), they start reclaiming their space outside the walls of their home and school, we can deny that evidence because we live in a neighborhood where nobody knows anyone, or we just moved from town, or we are afraid, or we don't think that our son is able to make small trips alone or with his friends, or ...
The fear is understandable, in addition everyone has the right to have their own, without anyone judging them, but neither would it be good if it conditioned the social development of our children. Fear is a primary emotion that allows us to react to 'real' dangers, if it becomes part of our daily thoughts, it no longer serves as protection, because it can nullify or slow down the reactions.
Who has not told their children not to accept gifts from strangers? Who has not warned the children to remember that their mother or father are aware of him, and that if they send someone to pick him up, this someone will be a neighbor or the mother of a partner? Who talks about this openly? we are afraid until the words leave home, but it is good to share our fears, and our experiences with other parents, because depending on the age of the child (and some of us as children also happened to us) there may be someone in the group who A stranger has approached him.
I would like that self-protection will become part of the daily life of children, not to think that every person they encounter on the street can be bad, but because if we assume a philosophy of prevention, we can save many problems of all kinds. Our children have a fairly low risk perception, because they are children, their thinking is very specific, and their objectives are focused on satisfying basic needs (for them: eating, playing, ...).
The basic principle of prevention is always the same. An example: I have never had a car accident, but I can't think 'today I don't tie my belt, total' (OK, I know it's mandatory, but imagining that it isn't), because then I assume an unnecessary and uncontrollable risk
Who are the strangers?
In such a changing and diverse society, it is complex to know when we transfer the advice to children, but I would say that a person who is not our family member, or the father / mother of a friend or partner, someone who is not a neighbor or with whom the parents have a friendship, is unknown; It's not that it's not trustworthy, it's not part of 'our tribe'. That is to say that the shopkeeper in the corner, the father of a school boy with whom we have no relationship, etc. They are not part of our little tribe, even if they live in the same community, and they should make sure that parents agree if they want to offer a fruit (for example) to the little ones.
Why do i say this? Well, a few days ago, a group of children between nine and 11 years of age in the neighborhood found on the street while returning home (in the town and in broad daylight - they are still small for other outings -) an adult who gave them sweet, some accepted, others not. For some he was a stranger, although his face sounded, for others, accustomed to greet and receive candy from neighbors, the situation did not involve any risk (I know that the latter is striking, but sometimes happens). Nothing happened, it is not known either what exactly that person wanted, most children had been prevented by parents since childhood, but ...
An important fact is that only one child in the group told it at home (below I talk a little about trust), although another girl had dropped it, it seems that without too much detail.
Of course, the situation gave rise to the 'alarms jump', the truth; not thinking about the intention of that person (but also) but knowing that if children are not known, it is inappropriate to approach them for any reason. And reflecting on the latter, there has been talk with a member of the Local Police of the municipality, and is waiting to be able to communicate with that person, indicating that please do not do something like that again.
How do we talk with the children?
It's good that since they are little, they get used to not accept without parental permission, and be clear on what people the elders trust. But not only that, parents should not accept that those other people with whom we do not have a close relationship give candy, cookies or toys to our children, more than anything not to cause confusion.
We will try, as with other topics of interest, to introduce these issues into family conversations, with spontaneity and being as clear as possible. We will answer questions from the children, and - in general - it is advisable to be open to what they tell us, without judging, and really listening. So when they need to tell us something, they will know that they have us, that we will not react badly, and will have no doubts or fears.
The 'but ...' above, helps me to comment that it is necessary to be persistent with the messages for our children to internalize them, and understand our motivation, until they are teenagers they can still be innocent, or they may not have the skills to reject ; the point is that a single warning is not enough.
The ways of speaking so that the information arrives range from the talk, to the examples, to the games (for example: with small children in the park we can say 'we are going to look for the toy but we will only ask acquaintances'), the dramatizations , or the use of current news.
Returning to our role as parents, and how we interact with them it is not necessary to accept anything from others to be well educatedWhen we answer: 'Thank you, it's very kind, but I don't want my son to give him a treat', we are exercising a right and letting the children learn from our reaction, but that is why we do not make the other party feel bad.
But there is more
It would be a contradiction to tell children 'do not accept gifts from strangers' and then 'force' to answer or receive kisses from a childhood friend of ours who is unknown to them. So the obligation is to prevent, even when the other person is nice or friendly, or tells them that he knows the parents.
Children have instinct, but parents also have vital experience, let's try not to go against both, for the sake of our children (which are more important than the impression our friend receives)
Lenore Skenazy, calculated a while ago that a child had to spend 750 years to be kidnapped in a city like New York, but what is the use of having that data if we do not teach our children to go carefully? Thinking about kidnapping is very scary, really, but without reaching that extreme, a person with bad intentions can harm us in other ways.
Are we calm when children go alone?
Alone means with your friends, and where it will depend on many factors: age, environment, maturity, ... it can be to the street below, it can be to the candy store. When we are parents the priorities change, and calm, what is said to be quiet we will not be for a long time (give me the reason those who have children of one year and a half who go up and down stairs, and those who wait for the return of your teenager of 16 at night).
I would say that while they are very young (before 14/15/16) it is better that they go in a group. In addition, it is advisable to let them know exactly where they are going, and for us to know in which direction 'Fulanito' lives and the other parents' phone number.
Children should not:
Accept any type of gift (edible or not) of people who are not part of their closest environment or that of their parents. The environment can be defined previously: family, such neighbors, such friends of moms or dad, parents of your friends, etc. The one you want: but defined.
Feel forced to accept under pressure . The possible answers are: ignore, change of sidewalk, say 'thank you but no', what else you can think of? I not only talk about material goods, but also show affection.
Believe that a child can help an adult, 'you can come? I need help to…. ” The possible answers are similar to those above. They must internalize that they CANNOT (nor should) help an adult, because they need to learn to protect themselves.
Get in anyone's car without parents knowing; The final part of the sentence seems important to me, because if a friend of mine is, for example, my oldest son and his friends on a rainy day ten minutes from home, he calls me first to ask if he can bring them by car. But in the end, if the person is from that environment that we talk about, the children would say, are you going to call my parents to tell them that you are taking me ?, before deciding anything; and if it is not from that environment, the reaction, apart from ignoring, is to move as far away as possible.
Go to a friend's house without saying it (even if he is the best friend); let alone enter the home of a person with no family ties.
As you can see, they are safety regulations that allow us to prevent unexpected consequences; After all, adults also do something similar; If you take a work trip, don't you tell your partner where you will be?
The commitment of the community
It is everyone's responsibility that children are protected; The advice of the parents is of no use if after we see a child in a hurried situation and we do not act. Also, if we have experienced a confusing situation with our own children, it is good to communicate it to the other parents so that they are cautious.
Doubts are resolved by talking, and restlessness communicating. That is why you can also promote a talk by the Local Police in the school to clarify these issues to children, for example, or go with your child to the police station to hear from a professional what are the most effective measures of self-protection
Any contribution will be welcome, I think it is the typical theme that is built from the experiences and information of all.
Images | Natesh Ramasamy, myaccountnice In Peques and More | The Amber alert system to locate missing children and adolescents arrives in Mexico, Children want to play with their peers, and they need more free and socializing game, children of the key? It's not about alarming but about offering solutions to parents
